"Faithful Fathers--- Problem Solvers at Work Today!"

 

There is an old saying that goes like this... "every problem has a solution and each solution creates new problems which have solutions which create new problems which have solutions..."  The story of the 'Cats of Borneo' is an excellent example...

   http://www.rmi.org/spring_2012_esj_07_imagine_a_world

 

Or as Pogo once said, "we have met the enemy and he is us!".  Old pal, St. Paul referred to this reality as "the old Adam" in each of us.  And I've always liked the saying from recovery ministry... "if that thing you are doing is causing a problem, then that thing you are doing is a problem."  Word!

 

It's Father's Day 2013 weekend!  Hopefully, lots of dads will be in our churches this Sunday.  Hopefully, they will be wanting to hear a word from God about their lives.  Most men I know who are fathers would "lay down their lives" for their children...die for their children.  I'm not sure if that is a problem or a solution but I think our best hope is for the fathers in our churches to "live" for their children.  Will the men in our churches hear a word about "LIFE" this Sunday?  According to Pat Morley, founder of Man in the Mirror ministry ( a para-church organization and linked to the ELCA's Lutheran Men in Mission http://www.maninthemirror.org/) church leaders face 2 key problems...

 

• The "men problem" has become a crisis that is virtually out of control. The collateral damage among families is staggering. Men under 40 are especially vulnerable to an alien worldview that is gutting the institutions of marriage and family. Our government agencies, social sector organizations, and businesses are overrun trying to cope with the downstream damage of an increasingly fatherless, angry, and dysfunctional generation. 

      and...

• Unfortunately, we also have a "church problem." The mission of the church, of course, is to make disciples. We love the church. But the vast majority of churches we talk to are struggling to consistently make male disciples. As a result, they have not been able to cope with the changing climate among men. Their leadership resources are often depleted and most of them need fresh ideas. Churches know that there can be no meaningful solution to the problems our world faces unless men are equipped to be godly men, husbands, fathers, and citizens.

Now, granted, that's a lot to unpack and is really a description of the tip of the iceberg rather than the whole chuck of ice, but does offer a reality all pastors and leaders of men must address.  For, if we do not... then I think we've conceded to 'be" the problem versus tackling it head on.

 

So, where do you start?  It might be a different place than the next pastor or youth director or men's ministry point man... depending on where they are at present... And if that is the case then let me suggest... and some will find this unusual coming from me... that we use our 'liturgical' resources to tend to this... think words like... rhythm, diligence, persistence, authenticity and couple those with words like purpose, grace, renewal, reformation and molding just for starters... and it starts for me on Sunday...  God at work... for the sake of my life and for the sake of your life and those around us.

 

Men of God... Fathers... dads... sons... brothers... can we do this on Sunday...?

• Gather in God's house with gratitude and hope for days past, today and tomorrow?
• Make a point to greet other men around you before the worship begins... to suggest...'hey, we're on this road together... no one walks alone...' Smile... shake a hand... say, "hey... I'm..... (add your name...) and make sure you do that with another man you don't know well... 2 is better!
• Then sit down and shut up for moment and invite God to 'speak' in a way that you will understand and know that this is the best place you could be on Sunday morning...
• Rhythm... confession... owning up... saying 'brokenness' is real and I'm Humpty Dumpty as each of us falls off the wall and somehow can't find a way to piece it all back together...
• Rhythm x 2 ... silence... sense and feel water pouring over your head... know that the Word of God connected to the water washes you clean... trace the cross of Christ on your forehead... it won't rub off, trust me...
• Rhythm x 3 ... the silence is broken when the words of forgiveness and grace are shared... "all my sins are forgiven"  WoW!  Burdens are lifted... the door is opened to a new life... renewed, refreshed, restored...
• Rhythm x 4 ... how does this happen?  "The peace of the Lord be with you always!" is spoken... words to share with others around you... Jesus is God's peace... with each of us... in the center of all those smiles, hand shakes and hugs... Jesus in the middle of our life together... the peace that passes all human understanding... so don't try to figure out God... rejoice in the reality that God has figured YOU out!
• Rhythm x 5... even if you can't carry a tune in a bucket or whether you sing bass in the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJybtgsOYno) this is the moment of 'awe' and gives cause to sing and praise God and that's why we always sing after the peace is shared... the Reed Sea has split... Moses leads us to the other side of life and we sing our hearts out to the one who saves and provides...

And then we pray and are ready to hear the Word of God and be -reshaped for faithful living...

 

Isn't this really what we do on Sundays...

 

 

Now, when we do this... we will all appear like a bunch quietistic guys who aren't very certain about life or ourselves... Not so, though!  We gather, admit, re-think, renew, make plans, act upon those plans, review and assess and then come back the next Sunday and repeat...  Church is the place where we "practice our faith" so that when those moments arise outside the walls of the church we will have a faith to use...  we all have code... for some our code causes problems... for others the code is the problem solver... but it's life-long work... for all of us... every day... 24-7-365... modeled after the God who neither sleeps nor slumbers...

 

Last piece of business... cause this IS our business... making disciples... helping fathers be faithful and do more than die for their children...

1. Divorce rates have been dropping during the last few decades. Data indicates that marriages have lasted longer in the 21st century than they did in the 1990s.
2. The other side of that statistic is many couples are just not marrying and choosing to live together instead...
3. Which leads to Peggy Contos Hahn's comment earlier this year that in 2012 more children were born out of wedlock than those who are born of a married couple.
4. So, problems have solutions and solutions cause new problems... Here's a list of info you might find helpful before and after Father's Day 2013!  Enjoy... and pray...  http://buildingbrothers.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Men_Statistics.pdf

Happy Father's Day!  May your church be filled with men who "live" for their children...

Keep the conversations going... share this message with a friend or two...

One man at a time; no man left behind...

     Brian

LONGEVITY ISSUES---"Cranky Old Man Syndrome"

To All the KING'S Men...

Wanna live forever?  In a recent report it was noted that 'grumpy old men' live longer than men who demonstrate less crankiness from day to day.  You may know some.  You may be one!  Remember how Clint Eastwood grumped his way through life as Walt Kowalski in "Gran Torino" as well as the characters played by Jack Lemon and Walter Matthau in the movies by the similar name?  And who can forget the old codger Dana Carvey ( a good sinner/saint Lutheran boy!) for numerous Saturday Night Live episodes?  So, lately, from time to time, when I get called out for demonstrating a certain kind of crankiness, I just respond with a smile and say, "Sorry, I'm working on my longevity issues."  It can spark a good conversation.  I asked one of my older parishioners the other day... "As you've gotten older, how is your patience factor?"  He quickly responded, "LESS!"  Just a one word response!  He is in his 80's and works out no less than 3 times a week.  Hmmmm?  Maybe working out causes or at least contributes to the grump!
 

There's more.  There's actually a medical term for this behavior.  It's called IMS-- Irritable Male Syndrome.   Some, humorously, call it... OMS ... Old Man Situation!  Either way, it seems to be a real thing and is defined as ... are you ready for this... "a state of hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration, and anger that occurs in males and is associated with biochemical changes, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and loss of male identity" ... at least according to a doctor from Edinburgh, Scotland!  So, just for fun... go back and re-read that last sentence with a bit of the Scottish brogue.  It may the only fun you get today!  But, here are the symptoms: Anger coupled with social withdrawal; Irritability; Hypersensitivity; Anxiety; Hot Flashes (not just for women anymore!); Mood swings; Depression; Lack of libido; Back and head aches.  So, this IS serious stuff as that is some list.

But, here's what I'm thinking... I can't do a lot about the natural biochemical changes in my body and I don't know much about hormones, but I can manage my stress in a number of ways and let me be clear... my male identity is not at the bottom of the 'lost and found' box in the church office.  My identity as a child of God, lover of creation, partner in the body of Christ and player in the KING'S men of our church is certain.  Very certain.

Grumpy, cranky, pissy or something in between, all my childhood friends have a bit of codger-ness growing inside of them  now.  I grew up in a tough neighborhood and we didn't live on the side of town where the boys wore suede shoes and had argyle sweaters!  We were all the sons of laborers...steel makers, welders, fabricators, carpet salesmen, one cop, some truck drivers, etc.  My dad drove the Wonder Bread truck and later became the groundskeeper at our newly opened high school.  There were kids all over the 8 blocks of my subdivision...enough boys to field 3 and sometimes 4 baseball teams--including the Farrell 'brothers'--Janet and Susan!  The men worked hard, loved hard making lots of babies, some drank a bit too much and some of them died too soon.  I said it was a tough neighborhood... I quit smoking in the 5th grade and none of the parents on my street divorced!  How's that for tough?  But, maybe the toughness we grew up with is now seeping out of us contributing to our daily demeanor.  Maybe.

The friends I had in high school, college and seminary are working on their longevity issues, too!  The guys I hung around with at Austintown-Fitch HS are all over the place now.  One is a pharmacist, one the local optometrist, another is a hospital administrator, one went into coaching then became a principal and finally a school superintendent.  One is an orthopedic nurse practitioner and another now owns an oil and gas company in the Texas hill country.  They have a friend who somehow survived himself and remains a Lutheran pastor.  We've all tried to be good citizens, productive  contributors in the big scheme of things.  My TLU Bulldog friends, mostly Omega Tau fraternity brothers can be guilty of that too.  Some are doctors, some are lawyers, some bankers, some businessmen, some are school teachers, some great salesmen, and some pastors all attempting to prove Martin Luther right as we seek to be involved in work that strengthens community, builds up giving back more than we were given.  Some of them are retiring, working on it or thinking about it.  The grumpiness I hear from them reflects  a certain kind of grief over some of the stuff they used to be able to do and now can't or they've tired of being dismissed by their children or grandchildren as these old guys are accused of just not understanding how life really is... Sheesh! So, maybe, it is the differing perspectives of the coming generations prompting our grumpiness. Or, maybe ...because we've been good score keepers of wins and losses and towards the end our losses just may be catching up with our wins and the risk of ending life in a 'tie' has never been acceptable.
 

And as for my seminary friends and colleagues... some have become great pastors, some are now teaching in the seminary and some have even been elected bishop or working on a synod staff... and whether they want to admit it or not...their graying hair or receding hair lines indicate they are not immune to an occasional grumpy rant... Grecian formula aside.  In fact, the obituary section of The Lutheran each month might persuade them to admit it as the majority of the pastors listed who have died in Christ were in their 80's or 90's and just for the record... according to the Bible...and in the powerful promises of our baptism... they do and we do ... get to live forever!

So, I'm claiming today as "Cranky Old Man" Day as there is lots which contributes to the outbursts of a grumpy moment AND it's never really the whole thing or totality of one's life... Be reminded, then, that all of us from time to time can work on our longevity issues and others will have to deal with us in the process... like the story about when an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town... it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.  Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, this poem was found. Its quality and content remain impressive...

                 The Cranky Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . . . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!

                                    (originally by Phyllis McCormack; adapted by Dave Griffith)

KING'S Men...

+ K now Christ!
+ I nvite others to join God's team!
+ N urture your faith through prayer, worship & daily Bible reading!
+ G ive your time & money supporting God's work in your church!'
+ ' ( ' = a sign of "possession" and it's about "belonging"---who we are and whose we are!)
+ S peak well of your pastor, family and the men in your life!

KING'S men...

   ...that's who we are... young and old, or in between, sometimes grumpy and always eternal!

   Brian

TX-LA Gulf Coast Synod Men's Ministry Coordinator