TROPHY WIFE--TROPHY LIFE!

" I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."           - St. Paul to the Philippians

There’s a new TV show out this fall.  The title is “Trophy Wife.”  What? It may seem odd to comment on something one has never seen; but when it comes to trophies and when it comes to wives, I've had more than one of each!  So, this new show’s name caught my ears, eyes and heart… and sort of hits home to many men in our culture.  Please… don’t shoot the messenger; this wasn't my idea!

The story line is this…  

“The reformed party girl Kate is hoping that’s true when she becomes Pete’s third wife. She fell into his arms (literally) at a karaoke bar and a year later, Kate’s got an insta-family complete with three stepchildren and two ex-wives.”

Wow, who would not want to watch a show like that?  It takes a village, they say.  Too close to home?   Perhaps.  There is some statistical data (not to be read as prophecy) that up to 60 % of the ‘boomers’ will have been married three times in their lifetime… once for sex, once for kids and once for companionship.  That club is growing.  I shared that scenario with my mother a number of years ago and her response was quick… “Well, that’s just dumb.  If your father and I had all three of those things, others can, too.”  Thanks, mom. Dummies, beware.  So, I’m a little biased here for lots of reasons.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Trophies are good.   A wife is, too.  A trophy often reflects victory and hard work.  Champion stuff.  The Bible says, “A good wife is gift from God” (Proverbs 19:14).  It doesn’t say that about husbands.  Good wife?  Mine has made me a better man, using Jack’s line to Helen in “As Good As It Gets.” But, maybe the rub here isn’t how we get them, rather my reason for holding this up is about the language we use to describe a woman is being called into question here.  Your wife?  A trophy?  It’s more than that.

Whether we want to own up to it or not, men in the 21^st century still live with rules written and unwritten, spoken and assumed about how women are treated, respected and referred to.  I could write that sentence this way, too--- how women are mis-treated, dis-respected and referenced. “Trophy wife” is just the tip of iceberg.  What about “great catch” or “arm candy” or “hottie” or “real-time Barbie” or “he married up”!  Lately, males have digressed.  Men, now, want to “tap that” or “get me some” and then create annals of ‘conquests’ to share at the bar, the golf course or the poker table.  But, guys, listen… don’t think that you hold all the power when it comes to conquests.  Some of the equality victories in the last 40 years include some women holding similar perspectives.  But, men have to take the lead here.

Walk with me 3000 years back in time.  “It’s good to be the king!”  David was the King of Judea.  What more could a guy want picked over his older brothers and what not?  He looked out his courtyard window and what did he see?  A young woman, the wife of Uriah the Hittite named Bathsheba, was getting cleaned up and David saw more than he should have.  Poor Bathsheba, King David thought.  Here I am and here you are and here your husband is off to battle.  Let me help you be a woman.  So, David has her come to his bedroom.  How does a young woman, married or not, refuse the King?  So, she goes.  Power turned inside out!  David has his way.  And oh by the way… he would have been arrested for this in 2013… and because God created us to have the ability to have children, Bathsheba’s encounter with her King also created a season of being ‘with child.’  Dumb King David. He should have listened to my mother.

So, like most guys think… David tried to make 2 wrongs into 1 right.  I have a plan, he thought.  Guys often get in trouble when they plan alone.  Poor Uriah.  He’s out fighting and needs a break.  David calls him back to Jerusalem.  Feeds him.  Gives him drink. Lots of drink.  Then Uriah is sent home with a wink and a nod and given the opportunity to ‘catch up” with his wife.  But, Uriah is the stand-up guy King David was not and instead of going into his own home to be with his wife, he thinks of his band of brothers in battle who can’t be with their wives and in solidarity with their abstinence, he lays down at his doorstep and sleeps.  Plan failed.  King David finds out.

Plan C now goes into effect.  Uriah is sent back this time to the front of the battle and killed.  All hail, King David!  And it’s not until Nathan the prophet calls the King out does he realize the consequences over his lack of values.  Lust, adultery, murder and pride are a nasty recipe for shame and disappointment.  If women are viewed as property, then men will always treat them that way.  Their sons and grandsons will follow suit.  Women deserve better.

But guys, it’s not just about the women.  It’s also about us.  What does it mean when one guy tells another guy, “hey, man, you married up!”  Is this a certain kind of ego slam by suggesting the guy in question isn’t good enough to be married to this particular woman?  Or what about the friend who says to his old home-town school pal, “Wow, who would have ever thought you’d bring home the prom queen?”  So, all these years this guy’s friends thought he wouldn’t amount to much and their predictions of this guy’s mediocrity vanish when he out duels the brothers in choice of spouses.  Guys deserve better, too.

The fact is, trophies tarnish and rust.  I have some.  They break.  They get lost and put in boxes.  Wives should never be treated like that. Women are created imago dei   and are not property.  How, do you think we got the line in the wedding service, “who gives this woman to be married to this man?”  Well, duh?  The guy who owns the property gives it away and then there’s always the ‘dowry!’  Pastors shouldn’t ask that question. But, yet, wives reflect their families.  Sometimes they lie, cheat and steal.  Sometimes they end up being the very opposite of what the guy wanted.  Vice versa for all the above, just for the record… and in the end no one is innocent here; but I’m writing to the men in our church here, ok?  So, just at Jesus told Peter to ‘self-define’ (John CH 21), men, their sons and grandsons will need to tend to a certain self-assessment or personal inventory to keep this all in check.

Again, I haven’t seen the show and I actually suggested in last Sunday’s message, “Guys, there’s a new show out this Fall I won’t be seeing…” and as long as men of faith allow others in the culture to create and maintain our vocabulary and values, then we will always be on the defensive here.  And guys, your daughters and granddaughters deserve better, too.

Is this easy?  No.  Will this take work?  Yes.  Can we do this alone?  Not really, but each man will have to tend to his own row in the garden.  I’d rather not make comments about a ‘trophy wife’… I focus my time on a ‘trophy life’… one that is for the long-haul… one that is defined by a Jesus’ life being the trophy and goal I seek… that my call to faithfulness and the task of bringing others along with me is the purpose for my being… and God’s grace alone will see me through this… That’s all King David had and that’s all I’ve got, too.  Our mistakes do not define us.  Our response to those events, do. So, pray with me that Peter and Kate make a go of this new marriage and the show doesn’t get cancelled due to an unanticipated divorce.  After, all every couple who marries always has ‘divorce’ as the last check mark of their ‘to do’ list, right? And yet, God is faithful and keeps forging out in all of us, male and female, young and old, rich and poor, a life of love and fidelity… to God, the world and ourselves.

One man at a time; no man left behind,

Brian

PS.  Here’s a video clip from  ... that will help... God's grace is all over the net!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHBuOLdRI4I

GUYS, GUTS & GOD'S GLORY-- Jesus' 'poured out life

"Guys, Guts & God's Glory"

       Jesus--- a 'poured out' life 




To All the KING's Men...

Did you hear?  A significant number of young adults (mostly men) have a 'zombie attack' plan.  Up 37% of adults under the age of 30 know what they are going to do when the zombies come. The plans include phrases like 'board up the house', 'call all my friends,' 'steal a car', 'get a gun' and 'stock up on Twinkies' (well, we can again, now!).  Amazing, huh?  Well, there is some biblical evidence worth noting... 

"...people will become like walking corpses, their flesh rotting away.Their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongues will rot in their mouths.  On that day they will be terrified, stricken by the LORD with great panic. They will fight their neighbors hand to hand."          - Zechariah 14:12-13

It also seems, according to the prophet, that God would do this.  So, while some adults are formulating plans for zombie attacks, there are others who plan for daily life and the days to come.  I'm one of those guys.  I hope you are, too!

Do you have any preferred Bible words or phrases?  One of my favorite words in the Bible is "splagchna"  (σπλάγχνα).  It's fun to say... "SPLAG-CH-NA" or "SPLAG-CH-NOICE" and while it appears less than a dozen times, it is a powerful word.  A 'guy' word.  It means "bowels" or 'guts'.  It's never singular. Always plural.  Remember that.  Always plural, never singular.  When we talk about 'guts' the word is more than just a reference to our 'innards.'  It pushes our emotions also and is related to phrases like 'tender mercies', having a 'compassionate heart' or 'inner affections'.  And the term also shows up in a graphic reference in Acts 1:18 when Judas went out and hanged himself and his "bowels" poured out all over the ground.  GUTS... a guy word.  Vivid images can be good for us.  Our emotions can lead us to do good work.

When Jesus had accomplished his 'cross and crown' mission of taking on the sins of the world and when the Roman officials were finished with him, a soldier took a spear to his side to determine if he was dead or alive.  When the spear plunged in and out, Gospel writer John recalled that water and blood 'poured out'  from Jesus' side.  Water and blood being poured out of Jesus.  God's compassion and mercy all over the place.  God's power.  The same power when water washed over Jesus at the Jordan River and God's voice said... "this is my son, my beloved; listen to him."  The same power when water was turned into wine at a Cana village wedding.  The same power when, during Passover, Jesus took a chalice of wine reserved for the prophet Elijah and ordered his disciples to keep drinking 'this cup'... a new covenant via his blood... and remember always, never forgetting his love for them.  Plural. For us.  Plural.  Not singular.  For them... for all of us. Water. Wine.  Blood.  Grace.  Forgiveness of sins.  Guys, guts and God's glory ... Jesus being with us... really present now and forever.

In Paul's Letter to Titus (chapter 3)  he writes... 

"God’s people should be big-hearted and courteous.  It wasn't so long ago that we ourselves were stupid and stubborn, dupes of sin, ordered every which way by our glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back. But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, he saved us from all that. It was all his doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God’s gift has restored our relationship with him and given us back our lives. And there’s more life to come—an eternity of life! You can count on this."  (The Message)

One of the things I've come to consider recently... without any intention to harm or diminish clarity ... the language we use in our conversations of faith, theological descriptors and even in our worship a certain kind of confusion exists for those who walk the streets of "Struggles in Life Blvd," "Wrestling With God Row" and "Seeking A New and Better Way to Live" Circle. 

Here are three examples...

1. We ask others, "where do you go to church"?  In asking, the presumption is about the person.  Singular.  Not plural.  Would it be better if we began to ask the same concern by the query... "Tell me about your faith community?  Church is plural.  Never singular.  Jesus didn't die on the cross to save ME or YOU... that's the personal witness... Jesus died to redeem "the cosmos"... all of life... all of creation!  This shift in questioning moves the focus from one person to a group of people.  Remember, Jesus sent his followers in groups and no less than 2's.
2. For centuries our worship services have ended with the blessing and benediction (Numbers 6:22-27) from Aaron to God's people... "the Lord bless YOU and keep YOU; the Lord make his face shine on YOU and be gracious to YOU... " and most of you reading this blog can finish the blessing... but here's the rub... when Aaron said those words, the people of God heard with their Hebrew ears the 'plural' form of YOU... not the singular.  So did our German and Scandinavian ancestors as their native tongue had distinctions of singular and plural.  Spanish makes that distinction as well.  Our English language has inferences to both, but we use the same word... YOU... so I'm thinking that many people come to worship get their 'personal' blessing and can't hear the plural form when the words are spoken.  This may explain or describe how attitudes of 'individualism' in our culture are wearing down our sense of corporate.  Is there a connection between 1 and 2?  Knowing the distinction can minimize the confusion and fallout.
3. In some places we like to say, "Amen" when we agree with another's comment... and especially following a spirited sermon!  But, many of us were taught 'amen' means... 'truly, truly' or 'let it be so' ... and let it go at that... but the term, 'amen' has a more powerful image for us than most think about... 'amen' has it's roots in the Aramaic term, "emunah" (pronounced EM- OOO- Nah') and literally means... "stand fast, hold your ground" or 'keep your place; don't let 'em push you around.'  It's exactly what Jesus did in every circumstance.  He had guts for God.  He held his ground, stood fast and did not let anyone push him around.  His desire to be compassionate, hold inner affections for people in all circumstances of life was clear.  Blood.  Water.  Poured out. For the sake of the world.  Amen?  Amen.  Someone told me that Jesus was the ONLY man who ever accomplished everything he set out to do...

Again, it's what Paul wrote to Titus...

"I want you to put your foot down. Take a firm stand on these matters so that those who have put their trust in God will concentrate on the essentials that are good for everyone."   (The Message)

We're a year away yet, but I'm looking forward to the Triennial Lutheran Men in Mission National Gathering in Nashville, TN  July 18-19-20, 2014... please share with others...

http://www.lutheranmeninmission.org/events/triennial_gathering.html

Guys, guts and God's glory will be the focus and worth the trip and celebration... Why?Simple.  I can't be church by myself. Nor can you!  Plural.  Never singular.   I need other men in my life.... and it's good from time to time (every 3 years can be one of those times..) to step back and take stock of who I am... ask what I'm made of and to ask the one who gives and pours out life to feed me with what I need to be a man in mission... I hope you will do that, too!

One man at at time; no man left behind,

    Brian

"Faithful Fathers--- Problem Solvers at Work Today!"

 

There is an old saying that goes like this... "every problem has a solution and each solution creates new problems which have solutions which create new problems which have solutions..."  The story of the 'Cats of Borneo' is an excellent example...

   http://www.rmi.org/spring_2012_esj_07_imagine_a_world

 

Or as Pogo once said, "we have met the enemy and he is us!".  Old pal, St. Paul referred to this reality as "the old Adam" in each of us.  And I've always liked the saying from recovery ministry... "if that thing you are doing is causing a problem, then that thing you are doing is a problem."  Word!

 

It's Father's Day 2013 weekend!  Hopefully, lots of dads will be in our churches this Sunday.  Hopefully, they will be wanting to hear a word from God about their lives.  Most men I know who are fathers would "lay down their lives" for their children...die for their children.  I'm not sure if that is a problem or a solution but I think our best hope is for the fathers in our churches to "live" for their children.  Will the men in our churches hear a word about "LIFE" this Sunday?  According to Pat Morley, founder of Man in the Mirror ministry ( a para-church organization and linked to the ELCA's Lutheran Men in Mission http://www.maninthemirror.org/) church leaders face 2 key problems...

 

• The "men problem" has become a crisis that is virtually out of control. The collateral damage among families is staggering. Men under 40 are especially vulnerable to an alien worldview that is gutting the institutions of marriage and family. Our government agencies, social sector organizations, and businesses are overrun trying to cope with the downstream damage of an increasingly fatherless, angry, and dysfunctional generation. 

      and...

• Unfortunately, we also have a "church problem." The mission of the church, of course, is to make disciples. We love the church. But the vast majority of churches we talk to are struggling to consistently make male disciples. As a result, they have not been able to cope with the changing climate among men. Their leadership resources are often depleted and most of them need fresh ideas. Churches know that there can be no meaningful solution to the problems our world faces unless men are equipped to be godly men, husbands, fathers, and citizens.

Now, granted, that's a lot to unpack and is really a description of the tip of the iceberg rather than the whole chuck of ice, but does offer a reality all pastors and leaders of men must address.  For, if we do not... then I think we've conceded to 'be" the problem versus tackling it head on.

 

So, where do you start?  It might be a different place than the next pastor or youth director or men's ministry point man... depending on where they are at present... And if that is the case then let me suggest... and some will find this unusual coming from me... that we use our 'liturgical' resources to tend to this... think words like... rhythm, diligence, persistence, authenticity and couple those with words like purpose, grace, renewal, reformation and molding just for starters... and it starts for me on Sunday...  God at work... for the sake of my life and for the sake of your life and those around us.

 

Men of God... Fathers... dads... sons... brothers... can we do this on Sunday...?

• Gather in God's house with gratitude and hope for days past, today and tomorrow?
• Make a point to greet other men around you before the worship begins... to suggest...'hey, we're on this road together... no one walks alone...' Smile... shake a hand... say, "hey... I'm..... (add your name...) and make sure you do that with another man you don't know well... 2 is better!
• Then sit down and shut up for moment and invite God to 'speak' in a way that you will understand and know that this is the best place you could be on Sunday morning...
• Rhythm... confession... owning up... saying 'brokenness' is real and I'm Humpty Dumpty as each of us falls off the wall and somehow can't find a way to piece it all back together...
• Rhythm x 2 ... silence... sense and feel water pouring over your head... know that the Word of God connected to the water washes you clean... trace the cross of Christ on your forehead... it won't rub off, trust me...
• Rhythm x 3 ... the silence is broken when the words of forgiveness and grace are shared... "all my sins are forgiven"  WoW!  Burdens are lifted... the door is opened to a new life... renewed, refreshed, restored...
• Rhythm x 4 ... how does this happen?  "The peace of the Lord be with you always!" is spoken... words to share with others around you... Jesus is God's peace... with each of us... in the center of all those smiles, hand shakes and hugs... Jesus in the middle of our life together... the peace that passes all human understanding... so don't try to figure out God... rejoice in the reality that God has figured YOU out!
• Rhythm x 5... even if you can't carry a tune in a bucket or whether you sing bass in the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJybtgsOYno) this is the moment of 'awe' and gives cause to sing and praise God and that's why we always sing after the peace is shared... the Reed Sea has split... Moses leads us to the other side of life and we sing our hearts out to the one who saves and provides...

And then we pray and are ready to hear the Word of God and be -reshaped for faithful living...

 

Isn't this really what we do on Sundays...

 

 

Now, when we do this... we will all appear like a bunch quietistic guys who aren't very certain about life or ourselves... Not so, though!  We gather, admit, re-think, renew, make plans, act upon those plans, review and assess and then come back the next Sunday and repeat...  Church is the place where we "practice our faith" so that when those moments arise outside the walls of the church we will have a faith to use...  we all have code... for some our code causes problems... for others the code is the problem solver... but it's life-long work... for all of us... every day... 24-7-365... modeled after the God who neither sleeps nor slumbers...

 

Last piece of business... cause this IS our business... making disciples... helping fathers be faithful and do more than die for their children...

1. Divorce rates have been dropping during the last few decades. Data indicates that marriages have lasted longer in the 21st century than they did in the 1990s.
2. The other side of that statistic is many couples are just not marrying and choosing to live together instead...
3. Which leads to Peggy Contos Hahn's comment earlier this year that in 2012 more children were born out of wedlock than those who are born of a married couple.
4. So, problems have solutions and solutions cause new problems... Here's a list of info you might find helpful before and after Father's Day 2013!  Enjoy... and pray...  http://buildingbrothers.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Men_Statistics.pdf

Happy Father's Day!  May your church be filled with men who "live" for their children...

Keep the conversations going... share this message with a friend or two...

One man at a time; no man left behind...

     Brian

THE GAUNTLET

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I’m having a birthday this week.  The calendar says I’m turning a mere 59…. my sixth decade coming to a close while still another softball season is just around the bend.  I'm ready.  I think. At my age and as I interact with men covering three generations, some think me to be a pup while others, like that young 20 something buck on the softball diamond last year, see me as an old man!  “Hey, old man,” he said… I smiled inside and thought... "old man, huh? Your day's coming!" Me?  I think I’m somewhere in the middle.  I don’t run as quickly as days of yore and my power to drive 'frozen ropes' down the right-field line have subsided despite my young-at-heart attitude.  But, I hope I’m bit wiser and can remain purposeful for a couple of decades to come... on and off the softball diamond!   Do you sense that tension?  The voice of St. Paul deep down in our hearts... "all that I don't want to do, I do ...and all that I want to do, I don't do!"  Life does reflect a certain kind of ‘gauntlet’ as one moves from birth to the grave. The deeper one moves into the gauntlet, the faster life comes at you!  The gauntlet of a man’s life serves up tests of mind and body and spirit--- hurdles and obstacles – known and discovered---physical and mental--external and from deep within to face and overcome and risk being done in by the same.  And to think this not the case is to realize one might already be dead!

The gauntlet is real--- a symbol of the harshness and danger our life’s journey is… Each one of us enters the path. Over time or suddenly, we sense the danger… but also the joy!  To avoid the blade’s cut and pendulum blows is cause for rejoicing, yet the bruising comes, we’re knocked off balance, scars are acquired and the journey can be lethal. The gauntlet forces us to self-differentiate and self-define! I’m not a pessimist; but at my age I’m not naïve, either. I know for many men life is experienced as cruel and unjust with some even wondering why they were ever born. Victims.  Others seem oblivious at times that life has any difficult moments at all! Jokers, perhaps.  And I know those who have overcome great hardships.  Conquerors within the flock. Heroes to some.  Examples for sure. Me?  I’m somewhere between a survivor and a thriver… seeing life as gift ... one I don't deserve... recognizing that I don’t have to be here at all… but I am... and because I’m here I need to join in and tend to my part.  Boldness and humility wrapped like a red and white candy cane... continuous ... unable to discern the beginning or end...  So, then, we all have our own gauntlet to engage.  But, what’s the reward?  What brings us joy?  Is there a goal? Does God care?  Does the new reality of Jesus make any difference? Or is life ultimately a fluke, with our being here just happenstance with one gauntlet only leading to another coaxing our demise?  Mine?  Yours?  Where we step, how we breathe, focus, plan and proceed has consequences that are both short-term as well as long-standing.  One life.  No do-overs.  And, frankly, I’m willing to admit even my best shot won’t be enough.

Check out this short movie clip and then come back…

 http://www.wingclips.com/movie-clips/first-knight/gauntlet-for-kiss

Along with the crowd, Sir Lancelot is offered the prize to kiss the princess… and he bolts to be the first… Richard Gere plays an engaging Sir Lancelot in this movie, “First Knight”… full of reckless abandon… full of passion for life to grab the gusto that is his to sieze…

 ...and if you need to go back once more to watch… go ahead… this blogpost will be here for awhile!

The gauntlet… has a beginning point... and a goal… and in between obstacles, hurdles, lethal choices… sounds a lot like a man’s life… full of pauses and breathes and calculations and adjustments.  Peripheral vision is just as valuable as 20/20.  Knowing from where you’ve come will also inform where one is headed!

But, check out Sir Lancelot… he was battle-ready and had training… and as one man “pads up” for protection, Sir Lancelot just bolts through the crowd with someone down below in authority yelling in the background… “get him off there”…  the world telling him… “you can’t do this!”  Others look on with anticipation… some hoping for his success and others wanting him to fail.

I like the fire in his eyes and his willing intensity.  This will not be easy, but it can be done.  Challenge makes our hearts beat and causes our minds to reel... yet this gauntlet is a only a reflective image for daily life and the seasons of a man’s life… and way different from the reality shows we’ve been offered up recently where the consequence of failing is a quick launch into the water trough below or a tub of green slime. Yet either way we will all admit… hopefully admit… it’s not all that easy nor is it our reality as most men who get knocked off the gauntlet of life are more than just all wet… we can have a hard time getting back up.  They need our help.  We need their help.  We need each other’s help.  Can we?  Will we?  Who will prepare us to?  Is it too late?

And even when we are willing and as we are prepared questions remains…”What is the goal?”  “To kiss the princess?”  To say, "I did it?"  Some feel as if they’ve kissed a toad.  Are God’s goals our goals?  What do we hope to accomplish... in the end?  Today?  Tomorrow?  Right now?  And how does God’s grace enter the challenge of the gauntlet within us?  Are we aware?  Does it matter?  It must!

In his book, "Adam's Return," Father Richard Rohr reminds us that in our culture...our American US of A culture we've lost sight of the ancient rites of male initiation.  What you say?  Our males have rituals... acquiring a Social Security number attached to a first paycheck... a driver's license at age 16... a weekend drunk after JV football season is over... hosting the "American Pie" party after prom and targeting that cute girl to deliver one's manhood... or maybe surviving boot camp on the way to Iraq or Afghanistan... at least the last one sounds more manly than the rest... But, Father Rohr takes us back to a time when these kinds of male rites of passage could not be texted or tweeted to a friend... and yet... they remain of value for each generation... and it causes me to wonder...'what got in the way?' or 'who threw the blanket over the list that we might somehow forget?'

Here's what life and the gauntlet and Father Rohr point out so clearly... stuff I did not learn in Jr. High history class or high school civics or even a college level anthropology class.  Hollywood and Superbowl TV ads at half-time want it to be so much easier and simple.  And it's worse than Rodney King shouting out... "why can't we just all get get along?"  Chris Rock asked the same question... but why in the end did Rodney King die?  Because HE couldn't get along... now that's simple.  So, then, what would make the difference?  Here's what can be said... it's ancient and will address our future...

1. Life is hard.  Actually, life is harsh.  It always has been.  Nobody really 'splained that to me until life did.  Jesus did say, 'trials and tribulations you will have.'  But, I really didn't think he meant me.  I go to Kroger for rib-eye.  Somebody had to feed, truck, kill & process that cow.
2. I'm not that important.  Well I was... for quite a while.  I used to have the 'deed' to the world in my back pocket.  Friends tried to tell me so.  They called me out.  I didn't care.  I had the deed.  But, that brought about far too much responsibility.  Way too much burden.  So, I gave it away.  It seems others are vying for it now.  Proceed with caution, I say.
3. Life is not about me."  It's bigger than me."  It's more about us!  Yes.  That's about the time I gave away the deed to the world.  So, now I tend to that which is closer to me.  I'm not the center of the world anymore.  I thought it would be fun having the world revolve around me.  It was too painful for those close by.  Their pain became mine and I had to find another way.
4. I can't control it.  So, there is no need to revert back to the 'good old days.' And even if that is my heart's desire, it's also my confession that God is 'back there' and not here in the now calling me into the future.  What's the recipe for 'disaster?'  This is a rhetorical question... 'dis-aster' is the admitting that one has "NO star to follow" OR"is following the wrong star."  Who's your star?
5. I'm going to die.  Turning 59 forces me to admit this more so than when I was 29.  Years ago, in 1997, I attended a Stephen Covey "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" seminar designed for pastors.  One of those habits is... "work with the end result in mind."  So I do.  I'm going to die...and I'm working backwards from there... to right now as I type my fingers on the keyboard of my laptop... thinking about and praying for all the men and anyone else who might find these thoughts helpful or refreshing.  You're going to die, too.  But, don't let that make you be afraid or unwilling to step into the gauntlet!  It IS your life!

And don't let these ancient rights of passage fool you.  They are proven.  The young boy is ripped from his mother's arms in the night and taken into the woods by his father, grandfather and tribal elders.  He's placed on a stump and blindfolded and told to sit there.  No movement.  Unarmed.  He is to sit on the stump all night and is not to remove the blindfold until he feels the warmth of the rising sun on his arms and face.  So, he sits.  Motionless.  Nervous. The noises of wolves, armadillo, and deer are nearby.  The shrieks of the owls and hawks working the night sky.  He hears the grunts and snorting of a bear.  But, he does as he is told.  He is scared... but not to death.  The sun rises and as he feels its morning rays tap his skin, he swiftly rips the blind-fold from his face realizing he is surrounded.  The faces are familiar.  His father and grandfather are seated on near by stumps and they have in their possession bow, arrows, spears and knives.  He looks further to see the tribe's chief sitting close as well and immediately perceives that he is safe because others are looking out for him.  They always have.  He will not survive blind-folded and on his own.  Community is critical.  Days and nights will pass and years later this same boy will be sitting to protect his grandson and teach valuable lessons.  As Archbishop Desmond Tutu told the 35,000 ELCA teens at the 2000 National Youth Gathering... "UBUNTU"... "We are because we belong!"  How else will any of us survive this life's gauntlet?

Jesus said these things... his response to the rites of male initiation...

• "...take my yoke; learn from me.  My yoke is easy and my burden is light!"
• "I call you to myself-- your name is written already in the book of heaven."
• "greater love there is not---when a man lays down his life for another."
• "Can any of you add a day or a minute to your life by worrying?  AND
• "My Father's house is a big house and I go to prepare a place for you..."

These are also trustworthy words... Jesus' own comments to these ancient realities... spoken by one who entered a gauntlet of his own... one who came down from his throne to walk among us... one wounded for our transgressions, healing us with his stripes... avoiding being tossed off a cliff in his own home town in order to climb a hill for the sake of those who wanted to dismiss him... and those who still do... being God's scapegoat addressing our insistence for wanting life on our terms alone... raised from death to a new life so that all would live fully in his grace.

It will be good for the men of our synod to gather at Living Word Church in Katy this month.  Jesus said, "I call all men unto myself."  I am one of them.  You are as well.  See you there!

    Brian

NEXT STEP:  Register  today for the  2013 TX-LA Gulf Coast LMM Annual Gathering on FEB 23 (the PRE-gathering is on... Friday night... 2/22 6:00 - 10:00+) by sending an e-mail with the brief message... "I AM" to:  office@newlifelutheran.com

See this blog's upcoming events for details!

LONGEVITY ISSUES---"Cranky Old Man Syndrome"

To All the KING'S Men...

Wanna live forever?  In a recent report it was noted that 'grumpy old men' live longer than men who demonstrate less crankiness from day to day.  You may know some.  You may be one!  Remember how Clint Eastwood grumped his way through life as Walt Kowalski in "Gran Torino" as well as the characters played by Jack Lemon and Walter Matthau in the movies by the similar name?  And who can forget the old codger Dana Carvey ( a good sinner/saint Lutheran boy!) for numerous Saturday Night Live episodes?  So, lately, from time to time, when I get called out for demonstrating a certain kind of crankiness, I just respond with a smile and say, "Sorry, I'm working on my longevity issues."  It can spark a good conversation.  I asked one of my older parishioners the other day... "As you've gotten older, how is your patience factor?"  He quickly responded, "LESS!"  Just a one word response!  He is in his 80's and works out no less than 3 times a week.  Hmmmm?  Maybe working out causes or at least contributes to the grump!
 

There's more.  There's actually a medical term for this behavior.  It's called IMS-- Irritable Male Syndrome.   Some, humorously, call it... OMS ... Old Man Situation!  Either way, it seems to be a real thing and is defined as ... are you ready for this... "a state of hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration, and anger that occurs in males and is associated with biochemical changes, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and loss of male identity" ... at least according to a doctor from Edinburgh, Scotland!  So, just for fun... go back and re-read that last sentence with a bit of the Scottish brogue.  It may the only fun you get today!  But, here are the symptoms: Anger coupled with social withdrawal; Irritability; Hypersensitivity; Anxiety; Hot Flashes (not just for women anymore!); Mood swings; Depression; Lack of libido; Back and head aches.  So, this IS serious stuff as that is some list.

But, here's what I'm thinking... I can't do a lot about the natural biochemical changes in my body and I don't know much about hormones, but I can manage my stress in a number of ways and let me be clear... my male identity is not at the bottom of the 'lost and found' box in the church office.  My identity as a child of God, lover of creation, partner in the body of Christ and player in the KING'S men of our church is certain.  Very certain.

Grumpy, cranky, pissy or something in between, all my childhood friends have a bit of codger-ness growing inside of them  now.  I grew up in a tough neighborhood and we didn't live on the side of town where the boys wore suede shoes and had argyle sweaters!  We were all the sons of laborers...steel makers, welders, fabricators, carpet salesmen, one cop, some truck drivers, etc.  My dad drove the Wonder Bread truck and later became the groundskeeper at our newly opened high school.  There were kids all over the 8 blocks of my subdivision...enough boys to field 3 and sometimes 4 baseball teams--including the Farrell 'brothers'--Janet and Susan!  The men worked hard, loved hard making lots of babies, some drank a bit too much and some of them died too soon.  I said it was a tough neighborhood... I quit smoking in the 5th grade and none of the parents on my street divorced!  How's that for tough?  But, maybe the toughness we grew up with is now seeping out of us contributing to our daily demeanor.  Maybe.

The friends I had in high school, college and seminary are working on their longevity issues, too!  The guys I hung around with at Austintown-Fitch HS are all over the place now.  One is a pharmacist, one the local optometrist, another is a hospital administrator, one went into coaching then became a principal and finally a school superintendent.  One is an orthopedic nurse practitioner and another now owns an oil and gas company in the Texas hill country.  They have a friend who somehow survived himself and remains a Lutheran pastor.  We've all tried to be good citizens, productive  contributors in the big scheme of things.  My TLU Bulldog friends, mostly Omega Tau fraternity brothers can be guilty of that too.  Some are doctors, some are lawyers, some bankers, some businessmen, some are school teachers, some great salesmen, and some pastors all attempting to prove Martin Luther right as we seek to be involved in work that strengthens community, builds up giving back more than we were given.  Some of them are retiring, working on it or thinking about it.  The grumpiness I hear from them reflects  a certain kind of grief over some of the stuff they used to be able to do and now can't or they've tired of being dismissed by their children or grandchildren as these old guys are accused of just not understanding how life really is... Sheesh! So, maybe, it is the differing perspectives of the coming generations prompting our grumpiness. Or, maybe ...because we've been good score keepers of wins and losses and towards the end our losses just may be catching up with our wins and the risk of ending life in a 'tie' has never been acceptable.
 

And as for my seminary friends and colleagues... some have become great pastors, some are now teaching in the seminary and some have even been elected bishop or working on a synod staff... and whether they want to admit it or not...their graying hair or receding hair lines indicate they are not immune to an occasional grumpy rant... Grecian formula aside.  In fact, the obituary section of The Lutheran each month might persuade them to admit it as the majority of the pastors listed who have died in Christ were in their 80's or 90's and just for the record... according to the Bible...and in the powerful promises of our baptism... they do and we do ... get to live forever!

So, I'm claiming today as "Cranky Old Man" Day as there is lots which contributes to the outbursts of a grumpy moment AND it's never really the whole thing or totality of one's life... Be reminded, then, that all of us from time to time can work on our longevity issues and others will have to deal with us in the process... like the story about when an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town... it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.  Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, this poem was found. Its quality and content remain impressive...

                 The Cranky Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . . . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!

                                    (originally by Phyllis McCormack; adapted by Dave Griffith)

KING'S Men...

+ K now Christ!
+ I nvite others to join God's team!
+ N urture your faith through prayer, worship & daily Bible reading!
+ G ive your time & money supporting God's work in your church!'
+ ' ( ' = a sign of "possession" and it's about "belonging"---who we are and whose we are!)
+ S peak well of your pastor, family and the men in your life!

KING'S men...

   ...that's who we are... young and old, or in between, sometimes grumpy and always eternal!

   Brian

TX-LA Gulf Coast Synod Men's Ministry Coordinator

"HANDLING THE TRUTH---When Jesus Calls Us Out!"

To All the King's Men,
 
Here's something every preacher hates to admit...
 

There's never just one sermon on Sunday.  It's more like 3 or 4 and maybe even 5.  At the end of any given Sunday, there's the sermon that got written... the sermon that got preached... the sermon that should have been preached (this one shows up about 4:30-5:00 Sunday afternoon)... the one that got heard... and are you ready?... the one parishoners wished they'd heard.  Maybe you have even another one ...

 

But, which ever one won out this past week, this is my reflection on the message I thought I preached on Sunday, SEP 9... as I flipped back and forth from the 2nd lesson and the appointed Gospel text for the day....

 

A rendering from last Sunday's texts in St. Mark and the Letter of James...

First from St. Mark...chapter 7... Jesus is confronted by the religious leaders about ignoring rather than tending to and respecting Hebrew ritual and especially the part about eating with 'defiled' hands... which Jesus' disciples apparently became experts at... and ...in response this is what happened...

"When he had left the crowd and entered the house, his disciples asked him about the parable. 18He said to them, “Then do you also fail to understand? Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile, 19since it enters, not the heart but the stomach, and goes out into the sewer?” (Thus he declared all foods clean.) 20And he said, “It is what comes out of a person that defiles. 21For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come: fornication, theft, murder, 22adultery, avarice, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride, folly. 23All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

Did I catch that?  It is that which is IN me and comes OUT of me that is defiling to the world... I had some surgery this past Summer... The doc said I had a bad case of diverticulitis.  So they cut me open and did a bit of selective tissue reduction and he said, "it'll be OK now," but I forgot to ask him if he saw any of the stuff Jesus mentioned... that stuff inside me which defiles....I should have asked...because you really don't want to know what I said about the barber who cut my hair last weekend shorter than it's been since the opening of HS basketball practice in October of 1971.  Really.  My regular hair cutter was ill.  So, I took chair # 2 and was clear about how I wanted my hair cut. But, I guess I should have not closed my eyes while sitting in the chair and by the time I got home after multiple glances in the car's rear view mirror and a more detailed look in the mirror on the bathroom wall...well a sailor would have had a tough time keeping up with the things I said about barber # 2 and her parents and dog... So, Jesus was right... and it was only a bad haircut that got my heart to unload...for any of us...it doesn't take much...

 

And from the Letter of James, the brother of Jesus...

 

"But be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves. 23For if any are hearers of the word and not doers, they are like those who look at themselves in a mirror; 24for they look at themselves and, on going away, immediately forget what they were like. 25But those who look into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and persevere, being not hearers who forget but doers who act—they will be blessed in their doing. 26If any think they are religious, and do not bridle their tongues but deceive their hearts, their religion is worthless. 27Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the polluted world."  -James 1:22-27

 
Is this a truth we can handle?  Is this a truth we dare not ignore?  Here's the short lesson and cause for why "church" is such a critical and urgent concern in our 21st century culture...or in this case...why I'm convinced that the efforts we make in our ministry with men carry far more weight than just a suggestion...

 

1. James sets the tone ...asking: what is 'pure' and 'undefiled' religion before God? Exchange the word, "religion" here for the word, "worship." It fits better and reflects the original intent;
2. Two things, James writes, point to our 'worship' life... a) our personal and collective care for widows and orphans; AND b) keeping ourselves unstained by the polluted world. This is difficult, essential and eternal work!
3. Note that James said, "be doers of the WORD"... not doer of words... Jesus his brother is the WORD of God, to be worshipped and followed and emulated in the world;
4. If Jesus is on target...and I think he is... then I need to be more concerned about my own sin and less concerned about the sin of others as mission priority;
5. But, if I am just 1 of almost 7 billion people who are full of 'defilement' then I don't stand a chance to be pure and holy... as everyday I'm bombarded with the 'defilement' of others. That's the truth and I still have to handle it...but man, oh man... it seems to be a daunting task;
6. Thus, our good works, can never save us and only God's grace is deep enough and high enough and wide enough to cover all the defilement of the world. Simply put, the "cross of Jesus" does it and it is enough. It is and will always be enough!  His resurrection from the dead announces that we have power to walk away from sin, evil and death to pursue and live a new life.
7. The Mark passage, then catches the world off guard.  We sense we have the whole of life in the balance... but honestly.... we seem to have a difficult time handling this truth!

 But, what powerful texts for our lives.... the Word of God comes right at us... and we think there's so much more to tend to...  School's back in session.... Another hurricane.... or two on the way... The national election rolling down the tracks like a train out of control ... it's a long list.... AND to top this off ... I just returned from attending our monthly SeniorS luncheon where the guest speakers were from the Brazoria Child Advocacy office. They assist CPS in the cases of child abuse, both physical and sexual. Their work is hard as well as heart-wrenching! Defilement comes from inside of us... and the world suffers... woman, men and children... and over 650 cases were reported in Brazoria County alone last year. Tens of thousands in Texas.  Reported. The ones we know. There are others; trust that. We all know someone who knows someone...

In over 30 years of parish ministry I have known of only an hand full of child abuse cases. In one case...in another state... in another church...the dad was "under investigation". No one knew but me. But, as churches go... someone suggested this guy be the chaperone and go to camp with the children. I said no. Some asked why. I wouldn't answer. Some were mad at me. I didn't care. Jesus' brother, James, was right...I wanted to be the pastor of a church that watched over widows and orphans and help myself and others remain unstained in a polluted world. For me to agree with this suggestion would put children at risk and basically invite a potential perpetrator a venue to wreak havoc with young hearts and lives.

Nine out of 10 sex offenders are male.  But, it's not just about child abuse. The list Jesus provides leaves none of us innocent. Male or female... young or old... high or low on the socio-economic or education specturm.  It's what the author Scott Peck says in his book, The People of the Lie...

   

"I understand I have the capacity for great evil."

 

He starts with himself. Jesus suggests we should, too. Do we go looking for ways to defile? Not normally, but when the opportunity arises...it's just so easy to fall prey to our own sinfulness... or as we say from time to time... "If we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us..." and even when God knows...I'm hoping barber # 2 never finds out!

So, what's the answer...? Well, that's the life-long journey of faith. It's what we call "practicing" our faith so that when the moment confronts us... we will have a faith to put to use.  My goodness won't save me and your goodness wont save you because all the men and women who do despicable things are talked about by their family, friends and neighbors like this..."They were such a good person. We're so surprised!" And we deceive ourselves again...

But, in 30 years of ministry... only a handful of child abuse cases... and what does that say about the people in our churches...? Well, maybe what James and Jesus suggested... for if we recognize that we have great potential to defile (ourselves and others!) then spending my time tending to widows and orphans (literally, people who are broken and at risk) and keeping ourselves unstained by the polluted world, the less likely we are to find ourselves in situations where the worst in us comes rushing out into the world... because it must be said also... we all have the great capacity for goodness..., patience, diligence,  kindness, gentleness, peace-making, etc... and as much as we are simul justus et peccator... saint and sinner...always... our celebrating and nurturing the saint in us speaks to the lasting value and purpose and place "church" is for the world.

 

So, be "doers of the WORD"... pray...worship... study... invite... encourage... give & serve... these things are not against the law and do only one thing and that is to "build up God's kingdom..." and to God in Christ be the glory... always. Amen.

 "Be doers of the word, and not merely hearers ..."  the words of Jesus and James is a truth we can handle... and when Jesus call us out... he does not do so to bring shame upon us...he calls us out to make a difference.

One man at a time; no man left behind,

     Brian

 

Men's Ministry Coordinator

TX-LA Gulf Coast Synod