To All the KING'S Men...
Wanna live forever? In a recent report it was noted that 'grumpy old men' live longer than men who demonstrate less crankiness from day to day. You may know some. You may be one! Remember how Clint Eastwood grumped his way through life as Walt Kowalski in "Gran Torino" as well as the characters played by Jack Lemon and Walter Matthau in the movies by the similar name? And who can forget the old codger Dana Carvey ( a good sinner/saint Lutheran boy!) for numerous Saturday Night Live episodes? So, lately, from time to time, when I get called out for demonstrating a certain kind of crankiness, I just respond with a smile and say, "Sorry, I'm working on my longevity issues." It can spark a good conversation. I asked one of my older parishioners the other day... "As you've gotten older, how is your patience factor?" He quickly responded, "LESS!" Just a one word response! He is in his 80's and works out no less than 3 times a week. Hmmmm? Maybe working out causes or at least contributes to the grump!
There's more. There's actually a medical term for this behavior. It's called IMS-- Irritable Male Syndrome. Some, humorously, call it... OMS ... Old Man Situation! Either way, it seems to be a real thing and is defined as ... are you ready for this... "a state of hypersensitivity, anxiety, frustration, and anger that occurs in males and is associated with biochemical changes, hormonal fluctuations, stress, and loss of male identity" ... at least according to a doctor from Edinburgh, Scotland! So, just for fun... go back and re-read that last sentence with a bit of the Scottish brogue. It may the only fun you get today! But, here are the symptoms: Anger coupled with social withdrawal; Irritability; Hypersensitivity; Anxiety; Hot Flashes (not just for women anymore!); Mood swings; Depression; Lack of libido; Back and head aches. So, this IS serious stuff as that is some list.
But, here's what I'm thinking... I can't do a lot about the natural biochemical changes in my body and I don't know much about hormones, but I can manage my stress in a number of ways and let me be clear... my male identity is not at the bottom of the 'lost and found' box in the church office. My identity as a child of God, lover of creation, partner in the body of Christ and player in the KING'S men of our church is certain. Very certain.
Grumpy, cranky, pissy or something in between, all my childhood friends have a bit of codger-ness growing inside of them now. I grew up in a tough neighborhood and we didn't live on the side of town where the boys wore suede shoes and had argyle sweaters! We were all the sons of laborers...steel makers, welders, fabricators, carpet salesmen, one cop, some truck drivers, etc. My dad drove the Wonder Bread truck and later became the groundskeeper at our newly opened high school. There were kids all over the 8 blocks of my subdivision...enough boys to field 3 and sometimes 4 baseball teams--including the Farrell 'brothers'--Janet and Susan! The men worked hard, loved hard making lots of babies, some drank a bit too much and some of them died too soon. I said it was a tough neighborhood... I quit smoking in the 5th grade and none of the parents on my street divorced! How's that for tough? But, maybe the toughness we grew up with is now seeping out of us contributing to our daily demeanor. Maybe.
The friends I had in high school, college and seminary are working on their longevity issues, too! The guys I hung around with at Austintown-Fitch HS are all over the place now. One is a pharmacist, one the local optometrist, another is a hospital administrator, one went into coaching then became a principal and finally a school superintendent. One is an orthopedic nurse practitioner and another now owns an oil and gas company in the Texas hill country. They have a friend who somehow survived himself and remains a Lutheran pastor. We've all tried to be good citizens, productive contributors in the big scheme of things. My TLU Bulldog friends, mostly Omega Tau fraternity brothers can be guilty of that too. Some are doctors, some are lawyers, some bankers, some businessmen, some are school teachers, some great salesmen, and some pastors all attempting to prove Martin Luther right as we seek to be involved in work that strengthens community, builds up giving back more than we were given. Some of them are retiring, working on it or thinking about it. The grumpiness I hear from them reflects a certain kind of grief over some of the stuff they used to be able to do and now can't or they've tired of being dismissed by their children or grandchildren as these old guys are accused of just not understanding how life really is... Sheesh! So, maybe, it is the differing perspectives of the coming generations prompting our grumpiness. Or, maybe ...because we've been good score keepers of wins and losses and towards the end our losses just may be catching up with our wins and the risk of ending life in a 'tie' has never been acceptable.
And as for my seminary friends and colleagues... some have become great pastors, some are now teaching in the seminary and some have even been elected bishop or working on a synod staff... and whether they want to admit it or not...their graying hair or receding hair lines indicate they are not immune to an occasional grumpy rant... Grecian formula aside. In fact, the obituary section of The Lutheran each month might persuade them to admit it as the majority of the pastors listed who have died in Christ were in their 80's or 90's and just for the record... according to the Bible...and in the powerful promises of our baptism... they do and we do ... get to live forever!
So, I'm claiming today as "Cranky Old Man" Day as there is lots which contributes to the outbursts of a grumpy moment AND it's never really the whole thing or totality of one's life... Be reminded, then, that all of us from time to time can work on our longevity issues and others will have to deal with us in the process... like the story about when an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian
country town... it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later,
when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, this poem was found.
Its quality and content remain impressive...
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!
KING'S Men...
+ K now Christ!
+ I nvite others to join God's team!
+ N urture your faith through prayer, worship & daily Bible reading!
+ G ive your time & money supporting God's work in your church!'
+ ' ( ' = a sign of "possession" and it's about "belonging"---who we are and whose we are!)
+ S peak well of your pastor, family and the men in your life!
KING'S men...
...that's who we are... young and old, or in between, sometimes grumpy and always eternal!
Brian
TX-LA Gulf Coast Synod Men's Ministry Coordinator
