WHAT IS GOING ON IN A MAN’S LIFE?
(Part 1)
(Part 1)
Comments for 50+ years old OR Asking ‘How is a man defined?’ and "What are the danger zones?"
If Lent is that season of the church year where a man gets to take a second or third look in the mirror, then perhaps this post is timely as the time of Lent 2011 is closing in on Holy week. These are comments that flow from a conversation I had at the Dixie Chicken in College Station with my good friend Steve, whom I’ve known since I was a college freshman at Texas Lutheran University. I was 18; he was 19 and now we are in our late 50’s. Perhaps we may have 15-20 good years left in us; perhaps not. We are not consumed with our past nor fearful of the future so these comments are about the here and now as ‘faithfulness’ is only reviewed in the present! A second post will address the lives of men age 20 -40.So, what is going on the life of a man 57 or 67 or 80? How are we defined? Are there danger zones...'man holes' left uncovered that when not paying attention to the way or faith and the road of life we can fall in to ?
Here's our list....- Family (of origin AND current circumstance)
- We are raised a certain way and all we know is what we know. Is it enough?
- When we leave home all we know about family is either affirmed or challenged. This is both a good and creative time to accept and nurture
- As we grow older we seek to pass on the best our families have given
- Work (top tier of earning power)
- Older men are often amazed at the ‘entitled’ attitudes of younger men who desire to have everything their fathers and grandfathers spent a lifetime working toward.
- There comes a time in a man’s life when he arrives at this upper tier that he desires to do the things in life he enjoys…the things he is very passionate about and allow others to do the things he has done effectively and can be done well by others; and
- Someone suggests he ‘find a hobby,’ and create a ‘bucket list!’
- Value System (intact/corrupted/adapted)
- Men do not often really know what they believe and what is truly faithful and important until confronted with a choice that challenges their value system already living inside;
- Some men make choices they regret and spend the latter years of their lives trying to unravel a messy life;
- Other men trust their mentors…stay on a narrow path and reap a harvest in their later years for just plain doing the right thing. There is a certain 'contentment that lives in a man's heart here which can and does breed confidence to others.
- Physical Condition (Aging/declining + brain body issues)
- With each day we get closer to death. This reality cannot be halted;
- Men can, however, make healthy choices about food, alcohol and tobacco use to add days to life; and
- Good friends will be on the lookout for one another throughout the seasons of a man’s life and offering both challenge and support along the way.
- Finitude (redeeming 'wasted time' vs. ending well)
- We have the promise of an abundant life as we walk in the path of Jesus;
- Even though few of us live to 100 or older, our fear of death has a huge impact on our quality of daily life and the life we choices we make;
- A man’s grasp of ‘grace’ and ‘forgiveness’ or lack of will have a great impact on trying to redeem wasted time or end that life well.
- Friends (How many? Where?)
- The older a man gets the more he realizes how blessed he has been by having faith-filled and genuine friends;
- Deeper friendships are few but cherished and bring a greater quality of life vs. having many friends of little substance;
- Friendship should never be about the last man standing. A man may lose other friends prior to his own death; but hopefully there will be younger men who grieve at the time of his death.
- Legacy (how will I be remembered?—Spouse, children, family, friends, God?)
- Most men will not have a road or building name in their honor;
- Most men will, however, leave a life-time of love and witness to many;
- In the cemetery in Columbus, TX a tombstone stands with this epitaph: “Here lies the body of Ike Towell—no hope of heaven and no fear of hell.” What will others say about you?
- What has God already promised you? Is that enough?
MAN HOLES (dangerous circumstances for aging men and not in any particular order)
1. Living in a “culture of youth” vs. seeing ‘aging’ as a natural journey of life;
2. The ‘Denial of Death’ complicates participation/surviving this culture of youth;
3. Distortion of Priorities/Values causing of sense of “uprooting” from past;
4. Fear of other’s opinions—lack of self-definition and “needing approval”
5. Lack of integrity is characteristic of a non-integrated person;
6. Lack of desire to grow and become strong and remain “well;”
7. Unclear as to the value of “grace” and forgiveness;”
a. Lack of “ritual” and “community” are key contributors to this lack
8. Unclear how to deal with “guilt and shame;”
9. Unresolved GRIEF is a key factor in the “troubling” behavior a man;
10. There is a high lack of any sense of “blessedness” in the American male;
11. As a man grows older he is more aware of his own “failure;”
a. “We don’t fear failure; we fear success because it forces us to be responsible”
12. Most men are uncertain how and why “change” is a critical part of life’s journey;
a. “We don’t think ourselves into a new behavior; we behave our way into a new way of thinking.”
-Fr. Richard Rohr
13. How many friends does a man have by age 6o?
What will the men in your church and at your office coffee pot talk about today? Tomorrow? After Easter?
A blessed Holy Week to all of you. Jesus went into Jerusalem with purpose. He felt that anquish of having one last meal with his closest friends. He sweat drops of blood trying to be faithful to his father. And his way of being king and savior was to give in to the power and glory of God. Here is THE example and model of the Godly life---Jesus of Nazareth the one who points to the man holes of life...walks over and around them and says to us..."follow me."
Brian
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