HONORING MOTHERS & FATHERS---a sensitive time of the year!
The time between Mother's Day and Father's Day can be joyful for some and bittersweet for others. It's not quite as intense for those who annually meander their way from Thanksgiving through Christmas and into the new year, but, it's charged nonetheless. It's a time where we put all things aside and pay homage to our parents whether they are near by, far away, living still or have gained the fuller measure of eternal life. "Celebration" and "special time" are words that describe the moment. Cards are sent; flowers are delivered; e-messages and pictures of the grandchildren are attached. Neckties are bought; six-packs get opened and consumed with revelry and bear hugs abound. Honoring our mothers and fathers is as good for them as it is for us! It's an energy that is of God and knows no end. After all, it amplifies this the time of the year when school is letting out, people think about taking a break as summertime comes rolling at us on the coattails of Memorial Day and thoughts of 4th of July picnics loom on the distant horizon. It's just 5 weeks long, the time between Mother's Day and Father's Day that is... secular holidays with sacred overtones. I've missed my dad now since 1987 and this year is the first year that my Mother's Day was unlike any other as the recollection of her death this past February still stings.
So, what does it mean to honor our mothers and fathers? It must be more than a dozen roses and obviously more than a necktie. The Hebrew word for "honor" is "hadar" and it literally means to "adorn" or to "swell up". Is that what we think of honor in our culture? To adorn our moms and to tell others our dads are "swoll" ( GenY speak)? Luther may have said it correctly when he wrote in his catechism...Honor our mothers and fathers? Well..."we should fear and love God (a faithful thing) so that we do not despise or anger our parents..." which really means more about how we live our lives throughout our whole lifetime and not just how we treat them during this time of the year...
Therefore, allow me to share some thoughts about my life that I see as ways I honor my mother and father...things I've been working on for a good while and hopefully will be seen by my own children as they seek to honor me...
What did I learn from my mother and father that helps me in life? What did they do that I try not to so that I can give my children and extra edge to pass on to their own?
Here's how I try to honor my mother...she taught me...
- Harmony. Not just to sing the "high notes" of a bluegrass song; she taught me to sing that way while teaching me how to dry the dishes and helping grind the meat and sweet pickles before adding the mayonnaise to make lunch meat spread for school. Harmony is much more about being a contributing member of the family and expecting everyone to do their part. For the more voices in the song...the better it is...
- Competitiveness. This is both a good and dangerous thing. My mother could hit a shuttlecock down your throat in a friendly game of badminton in the back yard and ask you, "what's the matter?" as you attempted to pull it out of your mouth. Winning wasn't everything but if you were going to do something it was a priority to rise to the challenge. This also meant that she cheated in cards. No lie. When she'd teach you a new game and you got the hang of it enough to take the lead, she'd add a new rule like, "well grandma gets 5 extra points for having the 2 of Clubs on a Thursday. It's Thursday and look.. I have the 2 of Clubs!" It's good to play hard and play to win doing your best; but it's better to play fair even if that means coming in second or last.
- Active Faith. My mother taught Sunday School and sang in the church choir when I was a boy. When she grew older, in her early 70's, she put down her Lutheran Book of Worship and picked up her guitar and helped lead the singing at the contemporary service at her church. She went to Bible Camp with her grandchildren but also took the neighbor children and stood with them by the font on the day of their baptism. She shared her leadership talent by coaching my sister's softball team to a state championship. Her faith was never a secret and she showed what she believed by her actions and not just her words.
There's more to my mother than this but this is a good place to share with you what I learned from my father...
- Work Ethic. My father worked long days and long hours as a laborer. For 12 of my first 14 years he drove a delivery truck for Wonder Bread 5 days a week and on his day off (WED) he sat in the back of a Brink's armored car guarding millions of dollars of payroll for the mills, factories and fabrication plants in the Youngstown, OH area. His last job was being the athletic groundskeeper at our local high school. His days always started early but he was home by 4 PM to check in with his children, eat dinner and head off to Little League practice or a game or a meeting at church or to visit his sister. He often used a week's vacation not to play, but to paint the house. My two sisters and I never took a vacation with my parents. Sunday drives, yes. Long trips never. He worked hard so his children would have better than he and my mother had as children. They worked at this together. Some would even say he succeeded...
- Loyalty. I wouldn't say my father had a lot of really close friends. But, if you met him, you liked him and if you spent time with him you learned to trust him. He was loyal to his mother, his wife and family, his boss and his work and above all to his Lord and his Church. Loyalty is necessary when people move to the edge of quitting as it helps us remember the important relationships intact in one's own life. We live in a world of quitters. We're not a patient people. We don't really trust in the slow work of God. Consider all the talk about "pulling out of Iraq" compared to the almost 200 years of the British occupying India as a way to help it move to a democracy. Loyalty, then is the lifelong nurturing of the relationships that we are dumped into and also the ones we choose. Even though my father had few really close friends, at his death the line going from the casket through the funeral parlor and out the door into the parking lot spoke volumes. The funeral director told me there were more people at his funeral than the School Superintendent. Loyalty, therefore, brings honor.
- Humility. This has always been my biggest challenge and toughest task. You see, I am my mother's son, but never felt unloved by my dad. When my father would meet someone, he would always end the introduction with his name and the following words..."the pleasure is mine, I'm sure." You know, kind of like..."Hi, I'm Bob Smith; pleased to meet you"...and my father would offer a strong handshake and reply, "Howard Gigee, the pleasure's mine, I'm sure." This was my dad's way of letting the other person know he thought it was more important for him to meet them than it was for them to meet him. Humility. It's root meaning ..."to put one's face in the dirt." So, as hard as I've tried, I've never been able to live up to that standard...but I keep working on it and the memory of my father's approving smile entreats to not stop...
And that's just part of who my mother and father have been to me and all those they have known. They trusted God's grace for life and lived deeply in God's love and gave away what they were able to share with others. Like so many of our parents, they lived lives worth emulating or as Gomer Pyle was told Sgt. Carter..."imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
As a way of honoring my parents, especially my father, I have given a gift of $100 to ELCA Men in Mission. It's a legacy gift that will be placed in LMM's "Building for the Future" Endowment Campaign. This gift along with others will grow and help men's ministry in our church at multiple levels and reflects that faith passed on to me by my parents. Allow me to be so bold to ask you to do the same...match all of it, match any part of it or share a gift larger than that. Earmark it for LMM to your local church treasurer and I thank you in advance for doing so.
God has commanded all of us, "honor your mother and father," and it's the only commandment with a promise...that our days would be long and that we would prosper on the land that God has given us. So, may the time between Mother's Day and Father's Day be good days for you. Remember, some day someone will share a similar story about you!
One man at a time; no man left behind!
Brian
